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Making someone like you is easier than you might think
In the final instalment of a three-part series, best-selling author Mike Southon tackles networking. After building and selling his own company in the 1980s and working with start-ups in the 1990s, Southon is now a leading business speaker
Last week I promised you a simple technique which would determine whether someone likes you in the first few minutes of a conversation.
This technique was specifically developed for networking, which can be a very challenging prospect for some people. Being catapulted into a room full of strangers is their worst nightmare.
advertisementNetworking is a vital sales activity, especially for those working in professional service companies, such as lawyers, accountants and bank managers. Competing service organisations often have outwardly similar skill-sets. What differentiates one firm from another are the people they employ, particularly those who enjoy meeting new people, be it at a conference, on a golf course or at a cocktail party.
Some people say the key to successful networking is preparation, but few of us have the time or the motivation to research the detailed backgrounds of delegates at a conference. Successful networkers typically arrive at an event armed only with a good mental archive of customer case studies, and ask simple questions.
Listening carefully is very important. It is often said that introverted people actually make better networkers, as they prefer to listen rather than talk. You can demonstrate that you're listening by the simple technique of repeating back what you heard, and explaining why you thought it was interesting. You'll be amazed how much people appreciate such a basic courtesy.
If you feel nervous or uncomfortable when networking, you should prepare your questions in a series of well-rehearsed "scripts", written in your own style so they appear natural.
Your questions should be structured in the following order: where, what, how, why and who?
1. Where?
This is a standard conversation opener: "Where are you from?" or, to use the script favoured by royalty, "Have you come far today?" This invites a simple, factual answer, typically a place name, which in itself can often spark off the conversation.
2. What?
You ask them what their company does, and their own specific role. This again invites simple, factual answers.
3. How?
"How" is a slightly more probing question. You're asking them to describe in more detail their particular job, or their company's day-to-day activities. When they ask what you do, you should offer an appropriate "happy customer" case-study, delivered in a narrative style, explaining the customer problem and how you solved it.
Having asked the first three questions, "where?" "what?" and "how?" it's time to take a mental pause and consider how the conversation is going. If it's been hard work even at this early stage, then it's time to swap business cards and disengage, using a polite script such as: "Nice to chat to you; if you don't mind, I'm going to head off and get another drink"
You may be disappointed. You were hoping they were going to be a better prospect, but never mind, there's plenty more people in the room. And, frankly, the person you've been talking to will also be happy to see you move on, so don't feel too guilty about it.
But if you reckon the conversation is going well, you can make a big leap from "factual" questions (which have simple answers) to "emotional" ones, which invite the listener to share their feelings in a modest way.
It's time to ask the crucial fourth question, why? Why are they at this networking event? Are they trying to improve their business in some way, perhaps by meeting new customers or suppliers?
They may blank the question: "I'm here because my boss told me to, and I'm going to leave this event as soon as possible." No problem: just disengage politely and move on to the next person. But if they like you, they'll open up a little and tell you about some challenge their company faces, such as winning new customers or finding new solutions to their technical problems. In sales language this is called "a buying signal" and should be agreed with, to create empathy: "Yes, I can see how that would be important to your company."
Then you offer a "fact", perhaps a website, magazine article or book you've seen which might help them. Offer to provide this "fact", and see what happens. If they refuse it ("Thanks, I've already got plenty of information on that subject"), then again politely move on, but more often than not, they'll accept the offer of help. Then you can go for the big question: who?
Who can you offer to introduce them to, who might be able to help them? Maybe it's a member of your technical staff. Perhaps it's someone from your network who has expertise in this area. You should offer a business meeting or "a coffee some time" to see if they're interested. If they accept this meeting, then you're an important step forward in the sales process.
If you ask these simple questions in this order, then you'll exit a networking event with a good collection of business cards, many marked up for later follow-up, or even an actual meeting.
This is a basic sales activity which everyone in your company can do, and they should be rewarded appropriately. Even your most introverted software engineer or accountant will enjoy networking with other software engineers and accountants. They should be enthusiastic about your products and services, and gather the business cards of people they enjoyed meeting.
You might call this being a good ambassador for your company. I call it good selling.
First published in The Daily Telegraph